I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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