You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
