I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
