walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
