my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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