Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
