maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
We smell like vodka and hangover
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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