youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
