He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
A bitchslap is in order.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
