i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
