Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
