Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
