Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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