She's JV to your varsity
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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