I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
