I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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