Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
