i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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