Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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