why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
