Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She bit a glass in half.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
