you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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