remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
