you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
