Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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