Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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