my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
