I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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