i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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