I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
