you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
