woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
