He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
