he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
