Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
