it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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