I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
