I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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