I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
