I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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