Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
