please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
