Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
