Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
