What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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