You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
