I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
