Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
