Sponge bath it is.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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