I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
