So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
